After the events of General Conference ( A conference where United Methodist leaders from all over the world meet ), a majority of my church was heartbroken about the decision of including the LGBTQ community through their doors, which pisses me off, because the motto of the church is, Open hearts, Open Minds, Open doors.
I wholeheartedly agree with our motto, I think we should live it out and actually mean it, but the heads of the denomination don’t think so. They can’t even agree to disagree that the leaders of our church have different opinions about this topic.
Today, was Reconciling Sunday. A few years ago, our church became a reconciling church. This means that we are welcoming everyone who wants to worship and feel the love that Jesus intended for everyone to receive. Our church decided to support our bishop in taking a stance to disagree with our denomination’s decision to exclude those of the LGBTQ community. After hearing sermons from two of our pastors, I have never felt such a fire in my heart to reach out and invite people to church. Many have lost faith, and lost connection with God, because of their preferences and who they are. Our church wants to change that, we want to “Open the doors”.
Pastor Sam, our young adults pastor, challenged us tonight. His sermon was incredibly profound and bold. We are always a work in progress, but if we stop and look, we really have become too comfortable in where we are. We fall in a routine - no matter if we go to church or not, but we always see the same people, acknowledge them, and repeat the process. Why not stretch out our arms wider? Reach out to more people, and include everyone.
I am not really one to blog about my faith, especially on a site like Tumblr, but I am willing to take that risk. I want to open my heart to new beginnings, new people, a new life. Things have been extremely rough for me these past few days. SJSU rescinded my admission for the Fall, because they claim I don’t have enough credits (which is a total mistake) But the events of the past 48 hours have completely flipped me, shaken me and made me feel so many emotions. I was heartbroken and shattered, but I think God is really trying to speak to me. I’m not going to go into too much detail right now..
After my orientation a few weeks ago, I left that room feeling completely uninspired, unhappy, but I was settling.. I believed that this was the comfortable thing, and the easy way out. Jesus never took the easy way, which is why I think this entire occurrence is a blessing in disguise. He knows what I’m capable of, and he knows I can aim higher, because I am going to great things in my life, I know it. I’m not saying I’m going to give up without a fight, because I’m clearing all this shit up tomorrow with the counselors office.. but if this is what’s meant to be, God take me where I need to be.
God is speaking to me I know it.. in so many mysterious ways.
Don’t just settle. I wasn’t satisfied with my decision. I was content but not happy. He knows what I am capable of, he wouldn’t have told me to change my major, and do what I am doing today.
I need to discover myself, not in an institutionalized setting.. Okay that may be a little intense to say. He knows, he knew, and this is his way of speaking to me.
I will be okay, because I have such a great support system that will be here for me, no matter what I decide. If I want to take a year off, and aim higher, or if I still want to continue school right now. I don’t have answers yet, but I am not as heartbroken as I was 2 days ago. I will strive to be a good person, a smart person, and potentially, and educated person. I might be able to live my dream and learn about people and culture in a larger scale, and a higher institution compared to the one I just settled with.. I have high goals, and I don’t think it was right of me to settle.
Whatever happens, I will be okay. I need to be patient, and let God guide me.