because can I really have a conversation with 800+ people
all these people don’t stalk me
we don’t talk
we probably will never talk
this contradicts my goal in life (acknowledge everyone’s existence)
but I don’t think facebook is the way to do it.. so if I think you’re interesting, we talk, are an inspiration/mentor, an actual friend you are staying.. if we have just crossed paths a certain time in our lives and were never actually friends - bye bye.
and I will no longer be a part of a long distance relationship.
Yes, I blog when I am supposed to be studying.. this explains my grades.
I really could give a fuck. I appreciate my education and I will continue, but man I just want to get out in the world already. Carol was talking about a spiritual trip to Cambodia with a few people from the church, including Dylan and I can’t go because… dun dun dun.. school! Ugh… I want to travel and experience and learn about the world, not through the textbook. I’ll deal ( I can’t wait to go to Israel with post-college Starfire Alum though, that will be amazing. And Chap my first tour next year)
back to the point
I’m freaking the fuck out, because Dylan and I will no longer be in an LDR.. some people may not care some people might. I do.. well I guess I have to because I’m in the relationship right? haha. I’m so nervous for what this next year is going to bring because already.. there is uncertainty. I’m not insecure about my relationship with Dylan.. what I am insecure about is the thought of distance.. again. He has been talking about grad school, which is really fuckin awesome, because he is incredibly intelligent, and has a heart for religion and spirituality… but he wants to do it in another country. Don’t get me wrong, if I had that opportunity I would do it! But me being the selfish person that I am.. ughhh WAHH ahhhh… that makes me so incredibly nervous and excited at the same time. I keep telling him this, but I support him either way. If things are meant to happen, they will, if not, they won’t. I cherish our friendship much more.
It’s funny, because I brought this up (me telling him how I’m nervous and such), and he kept nudging why. THEN he said don’t tell me you’re going all marriage thinking and stuff, and I flipped because no I’m definitely not.. I’m just scared about the year. But come on I am a girl who has been in a four year relationship, how have I not. I am not considering it right now, most definitely not, but I have thought about it. What I was shocked to hear is that he has as well. This triggered brakes for me, but I won’t let myself press them… Why? Because we’re both on the same page, thinking about it, but knowing we don’t want it right now, or anytime soon. He said, “I don’t know you yet.. I don’t know all your qualities.” Totally true, we haven’t even lived in the same state together as a couple longer than three months. Honestly, I don’t even know my own qualities as well. I still have a lot of growing to do as an individual. I probably won’t know WHO I AM until I die. But he knows that. I’m glad he’s patient with me.. I’m a lot slower in developing myself.. and that could be very detrimental or it could be a good thing.
I’m freaking out, lets face it. I’m on the verge of another breakdown because of my anxious thoughts about school and life and future and craziness. Let’s just fast forward to the end of June so I can get over the school anxiety, and just sit in the present… at least for 2 months….
I think what you should do is find a work out buddy first of all. I love having someone who can guilt me into working out. Second find something that you really love doing, my sister and I take dance lessons and it is really fun and we burn a bunch of calories. Lastly don't cut out all the junk and stuff you love, just try to work on drinking more water and portion control. Good luck! Regardless of your weight, I STILL LOVE YOU NADINE!! :)
Thank you soooo much <3 I’ll definitely take this advice