Since I posted that blog last night, I have been constantly thinking about this major change that is going to occur in my life. I have been constantly reading today on the study of Anthropology, and talked to numerous people about this change of heart. I am so blessed to have people in my life that support me in what I want to do, and not only that, they say that they can completely see me doing this.
Now I am happy I took the Child Development courses, because as my mom said, it was a step towards where I am today. I don’t think I would have discovered my passion for people if I didn’t discover my passion for being with children.
I am just so entirely happy right now, and I can’t wait for the next chapter to begin.
So this is going to be a long one so hold tight, but I’m thankful you are willing to read.
I have been flip flopping on what I want to do with my life. When I was in high school, I didn’t apply ( i didn’t even take the SATs) to any four year University’s even though I was certain on what I wanted to pursue, Art and Graphic Design. I don’t know why, probably because I was inspired by layouts from MySpace in the past, and my older cousins pursuing that career. I was so excited because I saw how happy my Ate and Kuya were, and how talented they are, that I wanted to do the same exact thing. I did my thing until early freshman year of college at De Anza. I thought to myself, maybe this isn’t for me, so I had my first struggle with what I wanted to do with my life.
Community College is a great place for people who are filled with uncertainty, and really, as much as I wish I have moved out, a part of me is really glad that I did go with this route, because I could have been making a really big mistake in my life. After being in my church for many years and watching all the children grow and be filled with delight and happiness, I wanted to be a part of that. I wanted to be a teacher and help those children grow and experience different things that the world has to offer. Then I decided to be a Child Development Major. Many do not know this, probably only Dylan, but now I am just letting it out, that with my Child Development/Psychology classes, I had a really difficult time comprehending and understanding the material. I did not understand why it was so difficult, and many times I felt like giving up, and this quarter I did. I decided to take up an online class for Child Development 2 at the beginning of Spring Quarter, and it is really a self sufficient course, since no instructor was there to lecture me. As predicted, I fell behind because I realized that this is something I am not passionate about. Learning about the theorists that study children and their behavior. I love kids, and yes I still want to work with them in the future, but as much as I wanted this major for me to work out, I have just admitted to myself that it isn’t.
That is what I have been struggling with for the past couple of months. I am still going to continue to work with kids, and definitely will forevermore, but my dream of being a teacher is sadly not going to happen. This decision has brought me to tears and happiness at the same time, because as much as I wanted it to work with this major, I know that this is not what God is calling me to do right now. I am brought to tears just writing this, because I have never felt this way in my life, and I have been seriously questioning about my future. I am terrified, and I have heard that this is normal for college students, but as my second year of college is coming to an end, I think to myself, isn’t junior year the time where people study more toward their specific major? I’m still stuck at De Anza, and I’m going to be for another year.
De Anza has been a roller coaster ride for me, because I feel like I’ve been going through this experience alone (besides spring quarter of 2010) which could be a blessing, but right now I really do feel alone in this process. Most of my closest friends are taking the next step and going to a four year, and I have never been so envious in my life. I am so proud of them, but yet I feel a deep sadness for myself, because I am not at that step in my education career. I know I should have talked to the counselors more, but I’m just going to be completely honest right now, I was not motivated to learn. Since I was filled with uncertainty, that caused me to fall behind big time. (Also the pre-requisite credits wasted two of my quarters at school) But I am not going to blame it all on that. I have had a D in one class, and got by with many of the others. I have a couple of W’s on my transcript, because just in the middle of the quarter I decide to give up on some class. It’s so funny how at the beginning of the quarter, I get super excited about the classes I have signed up for, and then once it gets too hard, or reading is too much, I drop it. I waste my parents money, just because I always feel like giving up at some point of each quarter. I am really really tired of seeing that in myself. I want change. But as much as I complain and whine to Dylan about it, he can’t do anything, luckily he’s there to listen, but for something to happen, it’s up to me to do it.
So why did I just admit this right now? Because I feel like everything has just flipped upside down. Just about 2 hours ago, I was trying to fall asleep thinking and thinking as I do all the time before I go to bed, about my future. I re-evaluated the things I am truly passionate about, and I determined that it’s people. The study of people is Anthropology and right when that word comes to mind, I think about my Creative Minds professor, Salamander Breiter. He was an awesome professor, and if you go to De Anza and are trying to take a humanities course, I definitely recommend him. I haven’t talked to him yet, but I really want to, soon. So I emailed him this,
Hey Sal,I’m Nadine Tadeo, and I was in your Winter 2010 Creative Minds Class. I have recently (and I mean very recently) have been considering to change my major from Child Development to Anthropology, because although I love the wonder of Children and their growth, I realized that I am more passionate about people as a whole and the world that they live in. The reason for this e-mail is that, I would love to talk to you since I know that you are an Anthropologist, and discuss your insight and experiences hear some of your input on what you think I should do, since I really don’t know who to turn to in this sudden change of heart. Thank you so much for reading this and I hope to be hearing back from you soon.Sincerely,Nadine Tadeo
I am really hoping that I get a response, because I have so many questions in my mind. I love the world, and I would do anything to see it. After the experience that I had in Mexico last summer, I want to see and study more cultures, and understand their way of life, not just my own. This includes children as well, I want to see and learn so much, and hopefully help the world and truly seek justice.
I am taking Cultural Geography right now, with Purba Fernandez, and for those of you who have taken her for Physical Geography, it is completely a different class and a different Purba. I was very skeptical about taking this course because, well I knew Purba was a tough grader, and she LOVES detail. The first day of class she said, if you don’t like reading and writing a lot, definitely DON’T take this class. I thought to myself, hmm.. yeah I bet it will be hard, but if I don’t like it I’ll just drop it. A two hour class, each Tuesday and Thursday, and to be completely honest, there ARE days were I do feel like I want to crash and sleep and not show up for school. But the only days I have bailed on class are when I went to Washington, and that was two class sessions. But that is not the point. The point of the class is the study of the people on the earth. Where they move, why they move, what they believe, how that came to be, why they speak this way and that way. Each day, I leave the class with at least 10 pages of notes. Not caring how sloppy its written or not. This class, I think, has really opened my eyes and made me realize how much I care for this topic, and what I want to do. It is insane and I can’t even gather and understand why this is happening.
I might get really preachy right now, but I don’t care. My church, has been doing this series for the past couple of weeks called Mobilizing Hope, and yesterday, Pastor Sam, preached on being BOLD about my faith. I am very active in my church, and I love every minute that I am there. But when I am outside of the church, I don’t really see myself practicing my faith as much as I want to. How does this tie in? I may just be looney right now, but I really want to be out in the world, and seek justice for people who can’t do it themselves, but before doing so, I want to know WHY they can’t. There’s the general poverty, and government problems, but I want to be a part of making things better for people. I have grown up and only child, very privileged and sheltered, so I was in shock when I first learned about the concept of Poverty, and seeing the Philippines for the first time (remembering) how kids were eating the same thing the stray cats do. Carol showing me the pictures of the Dump Village in Cambodia. These are real people, and here in America we rarely see that. Even the homeless people in America were privileged at some point in their lives because of the numerous shelters and kind people, but there are nations that live in poverty, and I want to make that change and Live out what God wants us to do, and what Jesus did for me.
So what now? I don’t exactly know. I may be at De Anza for another year, maybe more to achieve this. I might have another change of heart. I just really am praying that everything will fall in to place, and I will end up where I am needed. It’s 3:31 a.m. May 24, and it is a new day. I am going to strive to be a better student, not for myself, but for the people that need me.
Hey, I just read your post about your struggles finding your future. I just want to say, it's ok "normal for college students" you are not going through this alone. I once wanted to do art as my major but switched to interdisciplinary studies. I think we're on the same boat pretty much :]. I also want to ask since you mentioned how you don't practice your faith outside of church; who do hang out with outside of church? Sometime, the people we hang out with can influence us in so many ways. Maybe start fellowshipping outside of church. I'm glad you're willing to help people and understands the poverty people struggles with outside of this country. Good luck on your mission trips.
My best friends are actually all from my church. I am so active in my church and my boyfriend is as well. Its funny how I thought my best friends in High school, I barely talk to them at all. I have been really tight knit with my friends from my church, thank you so much for reading