and I bought a Giants Sweatshirt and Tshirt from the thrift store today (because their merch is ridiculously priced, and I already help their franchise by buying tickets to games) and I think they are lucky :)
Finally moving out of this room where I only accumulate 5.5 hours of sleep a night. (Thank you old rommie) Now I get to room with my actual friend and we saw how legit the room was. Seriously I cant wait! Our room has a hallway.
So today is the last day of summer for me, and I officially start my second year at DeAnza at 9:30. I just wanted to sit back and reflect on what I’ve done this summer since it was the best summer of my life.
Well, it honestly started in the middle of spring quarter, when dylan came home from school and we started to do really fun things. His family invited me to watch Wicked the musical and that was amazing. And I can’t even begin to start on how many baseball games we’ve been to this summer probably like 10. Just chillen at his house was really fun too. I really got to grow closer to my boyfriend this summer it was nice.
First major trip was Disneyland, and it was amazing. We were there for 2 days but were away from home for basically 4. I got to know Amy really well this trip and it was just a blast. The first day we went to disneyland and the weather was not what I expected. It was cloudy and a little misty, but luckily there weren’t that many people there. We were there from bascially opening til closing, and we had dinner at the rainforest cafe in downtown disney.
The next day we had hoppers and we went to California adventure in the beginning of the day, and had a blast and rode Tower of Terror like a bajillion times, until there was an “earthquake” and we jetted over to disneyland where we thought we would be first in line for Space Mountain.. nope around an hour wait still with not knowing if we were going to be able to stay for the rest of the day because we didn’t know if they were reopening their stuff. We had dinner at ESPN zone, and unfortunately we didn’t see world of color because it was CANCELLED.
Then we went home and went to the San Francisco zoo, and it was really fun. Then Amy went back to colorado, and then Dylan and Dustin left for Korea, so I was back in california all by myself. Then my Aunt and her daughter came from the Philippines to live with us for two months (yay, not) and a lot of shopping damage was done.
Then I realized I was neglecting my youtube, and I still have been but once i start school (ahem tomorrow) I will be coming back to make youtube videos daily. I just need to clean up my room
Then the boys came back from their Korea trip (which I’m jealous of) and Dustin and the other damontes left to start off the Mexico trip with the High School kids. My parents left for Disneyland so Dylan and I spent to weekend together and our dogs met for the first time and it was the best thing ever. We just relaxed for two days and it was marvelous
Then I brought Dylan to his last Giants game against the dodgers, and we spend 90 dollars on the tickets, but it was worth it because 1. the giants won. and 2. we got beat LA towels.
The next day we started our trip to Mexico, and it was a week long trip that was amazing. It definitely strengthened my faith, and is something I want to do again in the near future. I rekindled a lot of friendships and made a lot of new ones, especially with the family of the house we built. There was such a strong presence of God’s love with that trip, and I’m so thankful that I got to do that and share the experience with some of the best people I know.
When we got back home, Dylan left for Hawaii with his family, and I was home with my Aunt again and I got paid to do my cousins homework which was a nice perk.
Then Dylan came back and we had to say the toughest goodbye since my life at home hasn’t been so great over the summer. and then while I was saying bye, I decided that I would visit him, so that was another trip planned for the future of the summer.
Then a week after Dylan left my family and I went to Hawaii for my first time for a week. We stayed near Waikiki beach at the Hilton Villages and it was amazing. Pina coladas all the time. I disliked that my cousin dictated the trip, but whatever.
Then I was home for a week again, just chillen until last week where I decided I would go to Tacoma for a week. So I stayed with Dylan and it was fun, There were some ups and downs to be honest, but overall every visit just keeps getting better. I met his grandma (bachan) and she was so sweet and nice! She felt like she knew me because she watches crossings from her place in washington. Then I had to say goodbye which sucked, but I always have to, its just how our relationship works.
Now I’m here, I’ve had a rough couple of days here at home, but looking back on my summer I was very privileged and blessed to do what I was able to do. So hopefully this school year goes by fast, and I will be able to do more amazing things next summer.
thank you Summer 2010 for being the best summer of my life.
What I’ve realized, is that when I take a trip and come back to my room.. I feel some sort of deja vu, and it feels like the trips and things I’ve done this summer, hasn’t happened at all, since there is no real change in my life going on right now.
I was completely punchdrunk last night. It’s really hard for me to open up usually, but I’m glad I did. I feel as if a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. Even though I’m sure a few people read it. It was there for me. To remind me on my thoughts of my current life, and maybe in a couple days/weeks/years, I can look back and see how I’ve progressed, because I know I will be getting what I seek for soon. I just need patience.
—but these past two nights since I’ve been back from Washington, I have been thinking a lot.. just because that’s all I really can do, on how much I want to be independent and experience what all my friends are doing - living on their own.
I had a taste of what being independent was like for 8 days, being carefree and able to do what I want when I want. When I’m here at home I feel as if I have no control over my life, even though I chose this path (in a way), I’m bored and I feel as if a lot of things from my experience of growing up is lacking. I regret not applying for schools (even though I still believe community college is still a really good thing), because I knew I was capable of it, it was just imprinted in my brain that I wouldn’t be able to make it.
Throughout the years of high school, I wasn’t the best and brightest student. My grades were just good enough to get by, and yes I have had struggles with teachers and some subjects. Although that was partly my fault, I felt that during those years it was obvious that I was struggling, but no one really seemed to help because they were obviously leading me to the track to go to community college.
Many people have those parents that get mad at you for having even a B+, but I never had that. My parents are very lenient on my grades, because they know I have struggles with focusing and such, but I always wonder what if they were that kind of parent, where would I be today? I honestly will never know, because now that I’m in college, they definitely have no idea what’s going on with my academics, except with how much things cost.
They don’t know— that I’ve recieved a D in my first quarter at school in Political Science, just because I did not know how to function in a college course. They don’t know how many classes I’ve dropped and replaced and dropped and replaced. They don’t know that I failed my first try of Physical Geography just because I didn’t show up to class.
After I wrote that paragraph, I realized how contradicting this blog is. I strive for independence but I am still seeking attention. I really don’t know what’s going on in my mind. I am honestly just typing what I am thinking from brain to fingertips to computer screen.
I think I have fallen into some sort of depression, because honestly I have never felt so alone in my life. I try to voice out how I feel to whoever I can, but when it comes to words and explaining how I feel, it comes down to tears and becoming speechless.
I forgot that this place is a blog, and it is a place to voice how I feel.. I resorted into just creating a facade of temporary happiness, and forgetting what I really have in my mind. I need something in my life, I just don’t know what.
That is what sucks about being in a long distance relationship. I crave for constant conversation with my best friend, but he’s almost a thousand miles away from me, living his own life. It’s only been 1 day since the last time we’ve seen each other and I’m already a mess. I’m thankful that he’s here for me.. but maybe I need something around here. I do have my fair amount of friends, but it’s really hard for me to open up about this specific topic to them. I don’t know why. My mind is just full of “i don’t know’s”.. people think that I just say that, but really I DONT KNOW. when I say those three words, I mean it.
The things that happen before a trip that come into my mind is, ” When I come back, this is going to be the same exact view of everything after the trip. I’m coming back to this. the routine.” I lie in bed and I look at all the little intricate details of my room, and nothing has really changed or moved. This big sense of loneliness comes upon me and it really brings a bad energy into my head.
I wish that the happy energy that people see in me is constantly around 24/7. I’m tired of this, and I really don’t know what to do. I wish that I could fast forward time, because even though everyone is loving college, I am not.
I don’t even know why this thing is going public, but maybe its a cry for help? maybe someone out there can relate to me..
Looking at people with their families and their busy lives, with their cellphones held up next to their ear.. or their bluetooths making them look like their talking to themselves. This is quite entertaining, people watching that is. I really want to make a friend here at the airport, but it seems as if everyone is wrapped up in their own thing. haha, I guess that’s what I get for going to Seattle, the places these people are traveling aren’t super amazing, but I always wonder, why are they traveling to this certain destination.
I’m currently listening to the song I’m obsessed with right now Hotblack by Oceanship, and it’s so beautiful sounding. Great way to wake me up.
I’m super excited to see Dylan in like 3 hours, I depart at 7:20 and it’s almost 7, and then I arrive in Seattle at 930 ish. It’s going to be really nice getting away for the week, and hopefully meeting new people. I’m ready to just nap on the plane though. I got 2 hours of sleep, maybe less than and I really want a Kona Mocha Coffee.. but I settled with a sixteen strawberries wild at jamba..
okay well that’s all I got, and now off to Tacoma!!
I’ve come to realize that volunteering and helping others in need has become a passion of mine. I really do love the feeling of doing well with nothing in return. This summer I have decided that I am going to put my needs and wants behind me, and dedicate my life to serving others. I don’t know what I have in store, but after my experience in Mexico, and helping people throughout the years, that this is definitely my calling.
There is a trip that my church is doing in Haiti next summer, and I am taking that into consideration, if my school schedule works well with it, but I do want to do more mission work in the future.
I am really excited to see where my life takes me, now that I have a general direction of what I want to do.
Babysteps though, I’ll try to help all that I can around here, before I go across the world.
Prayers that my dreams come true would be greatly appreciated.